43: the one about ripping the band-aid off

Moira Maybin 00:00 I acknowledge with gratitude that I’m a settler who lives and creates on the unceded traditional territories of the Semiahmoo First Nation, which lies within the shared territories of the Kwantlen, Katzie, and Sto: lo First Nations. 

Moira Maybin 00:16 Welcome to Season Two of ADHD Friendly Lifestyle. I’m ripping off the proverbial band-aid in this episode to resume podcasting. Today you’ll hear about how it wasn’t only my ADHD that made it hard to get going. What did help? In addition to missing, you and wanting a microphone all to myself, it was the friendly nudges I got from some of you. So, thank you to those who reached out. What made your messages, so motivating was that there was no expectation of me, only expressions of kindness and gratitude. So here we are kicking off season two, talking about why the season break got extended, and some valuable lessons from it, and what’s ahead for 2023 Let’s get started.  

Moira Maybin 01:05 Welcome to the ADHD Friendly Lifestyle. I’m your host, Moira Maybin, a woman mom, educator, and I have late-diagnosed ADHD. This is the place to practice getting rid of guilt and shame and spending more time with our strengths and passions. There are things that I wish I had known about my ADHD sooner that allow me to make different decisions to make my life more ADHD friendly, and I want to share them with you. For show notes, including the following steps, resources, and articles on this topic, visit ADHDfriendlylifestyle.com. 

Before we go any further into this, I’d like to thank some ADHD Friendly Lifestyles’ Patreon Supporters Erin, Brittany, Cathy, Stacey, Kirsten, Scott, and Marti! I’d also like to welcome Michelle, our newest Patreon supporter. Thank you for your commitment and financial support with the podcast. Speaking of podcasts, a term I learned when I got into this was pod fading. Pod fading is when podcasts become inconsistent, usually from a lack of money, time or interest, and then sometimes just stop. Well, inconsistency and fading are concepts I bet many of us can understand. At first glance, it may seem like that’s what happened on the ADHD friendly lifestyle, especially as I appear to drop off the face of the earth too. 

 Moira Maybin 02:39 I needed to rip off a proverbial band aid to get going on the podcast because I got stuck doing other things. I couldn’t figure out where to fit it back in. As I was spending time on other projects and priorities, I thought there would eventually be a time when it got to the top of the list. And it just wasn’t. To be fair, some important things were going on. With the idea of making the episode about finding a way to do something challenging and getting it done, I still needed a way to make it easier to start. That came from a discussion with Christy De la Cruz, author and coach who helped me move some of my hurdles when we talked about perfectionism. The other piece was to have external accountability. I have no problem rationalizing timing changes to myself. Working the production time needed backwards on the calendar led to a deadline with my audio editor. Okay, now what else needs to happen?  

I find the most straightforward episodes to do are the ones when I share what’s going on. Interestingly, they’re also the ones I’m most scared about doing. Yet they seem to resonate the most with you all. For the people who have already found me and are used to listening to me, you know that I speak about ways we can understand ourselves and work with that to do the things we want to do, while not harming ourselves or others. If I had to sum up the last six months in one way, it would be that I was continuing to do that work. I realized that while I was improving on some fronts, I was turning a blind eye to others, harming myself, and that couldn’t continue. So now I was on my way and ready to share this.  

Moira Maybin 04:33 When I started podcasting in 2020, I was recovering from back surgery. During that time, I learned that my healing requires more time because of the number of health issues and life challenges I’ve had. So, while I had time and space for taking things on, in theory, I really needed that time to heal and regain strength and energy. With the advantage of hindsight, I have a long pattern of whenever there’s space in my life, I can quickly fill it.  

Even though I had planned to start coaching after I had the podcast up and running, I jumped at an opportunity to begin coaching before the podcast was launched, convincing myself I could make it work. I love coaching adults with ADHD. However, I hadn’t realized how important some built in structures of the educational system were in creating limits for me. Regular and forced time off is one of them. I work way more than I had time and capacity for, and the sheer number of hours was not healthy or sustainable.  

Before I knew I had ADHD, I wouldn’t have recognized this pattern as quickly and begun to consider options to continue podcasting and coaching but with a better alignment of my values and priorities. After 18 months, I had planned to take the summer off to figure out my next steps. Then the plans were changed. Throughout Season 1, you’ve heard me speak about ADHD reWired, both the Live Q&As and the coaching program. A few people have emailed and asked—so to be clear; I am no longer part of them.  

Moira Maybin 06:20 Within two weeks, to honor commitments I had made, I launched my own 10-week group coaching course in the spring. While an enormous amount of work went into it, it was pure joy. The group of 12 women who participated made it so worthwhile, but I still thought I’ll take the summer off. But at the same time, my brain whispered, or maybe it was shouting, “But research and experience show that when we have ADHD, we need ongoing support to do the thing, or we do them for a while, and then not so much. So, it’s not good enough to have a course and then nothing. It’s easier when we do this together, and with support and practice over an extended time. So this is how I thought I would take the summer off by starting the ADHD Friendly Lifestyle Coaching Community, for people I had previously coached. During the summer, I offered two weekly sessions of group coaching and guided planning practice, and a Zoom Room available to co-work seven days a week. Alongside starting up the coaching community, I was sick with COVID for three weeks, and then eagerly began working on projects at my house and garden, some of which had waited six years. I renovated two sheds, I got so much pleasure from making progress and checking things off lists that I found it too easy to miss other things.  

Saying it out loud. I know. I know. I’m not taking time off. When the end of August came, I knew I needed to take a break. The new plan was three weeks to catch up with myself and finish my projects around the house. Then two weeks to get the podcast up and going followed by acting on plans discussed within the coaching community for current members. After that, I will begin to offer new coaching opportunities. I had the plan the vision, I’d be back in the saddle by mid-October.  

Moira Maybin 08:32 Since this is early 2023, you already have the spoiler alert, my life didn’t go according to plan again. So, what happened, I re-injured my back. That pain made me start to pay attention more closely. Again, I finally realized that I had had numbness in my toes since March. And I still had that funky looking mole on my back that I noticed back then it was time to get that check to it turned out to be BCC skin cancer, which I had removed, along with many other moles. Fortunately, I am now skin cancer free. I didn’t account for the multiple weeks of medical appointments and skin treatments that involved day surgery. I’m still healing from some of that. I also have had some nerve issues flare up in both my legs that I’m trying to tend to while waiting for an MRI. Other family members also experienced health challenges that meant time, attention and care on my part. Life has its ups and downs. My life needs space, time and energy for the unplanned, because life happens. Things take longer, much longer than I expect them or want them to. And I also have ADHD. So that can get in my way too. 

Moira Maybin 09:58 Being forced to slow down again helped me realize that I hadn’t been taking a break or doing myself any favors. Yes, I was not stuck in a chair working all day as I had been in the spring. But I was just as driven with my new agenda. With interest or passion, I tend to hyperfocus and forget the basics of life. It may not surprise you, but it’s taken me decades to know this about myself and understand its implications. In the spring, it was setting up a new coaching course, there were positives, but one cost was many hours on a computer desk, at the detriment to my physical health. I simply couldn’t get myself out of the chair. My office was between my kitchen and my bedroom, so I was always there. When the course was over, I moved my office to the basement to make respecting the limit I wanted easier. I had switched focus easily in the summer because it was novel with challenges I like. And there was a fire under my butt to knock these things off my To Do Lists before the weather changed. I was full steam ahead. I made so many insider guides and binders too. Is there anything wrong with that? Yes and no. 

This season will include more on the benefits and drawbacks of hyperfocus. I’ve also been fortunate to learn the latest research from experts on how treatable ADHD is and what we can glean from others who are doing well with ADHD. I’ve got some great guests lined up this season too. We will continue to explore issues around eating hormones and reducing stress. We will dig into my latest theme—success despite setbacks. We’re taking some of the lessons learned from the last year and putting them into practice with the podcast itself. First up for me is practicing putting limits on the rabbit holes I fall into; One way is to limit scope creep for these episodes. Instead of episode subtopics, I need to think of them as points. And to work on removing perfectionism as a hurdle to episodes, I want to make this efficient and easier on myself. And most of you get that. I have had people say I have higher standards than most. Am I harder on myself than others? Yes. Do I consciously think that translates into having higher standards? No. It just feels like things aren’t good enough unless I do more. And that’s what I am trying to recognize. Lowering my bar doesn’t mean putting out episodes I’m not proud of. Instead, it’s helping to reduce the threshold of how much time and content to generate each time. I am almost a one-person show; I have the fantastic Ryan Stacy doing my audio editing, but I don’t have a production crew.  

Moira Maybin 13:02 We’ve almost made it to the end of this episode. This time successfully recharged me for podcasting. I am returning to you feeling refreshed, inspired and ready to go. A far cry from how tired I was a year ago. My commitment to you is more consistency in my podcasts. They will be here weekly. Putting out this podcast helps me, and I hope and in addition to at least moderately entertaining you It helps you to it’s true in life and even more true in a life with ADHD. It’s easier when doing this together. I have mentioned a coaching community for ongoing support, and new coaching opportunities. Taking the time with this part is essential. As the community piece is crucial to me, I need to get the correct details and people in place. When you see an updated web design complete. With a separate searchable resources section, you will know that it is getting closer, you can sign up on my website for either podcast updates, or to hear first about coaching opportunities. If you’re not sure you’re on both lists and you want to be drop me a line at ask@ADHDfriendlylifestyle.com.  

Okay, you’ve done the hard work by staying to the end. Your reward?  

Here are the main takeaways from today’s episode:  

1. Life has ups and downs, and through it all, we can continue to learn about ourselves 
2. In most things we do, especially the hard stuff is easier with help from each other 
3. the ADHD Friendly Lifestyle Podcast, Community & Coaching has a lot in its pipeline  
4. Having the necessary time and support to build that capacity is important. 

I appreciate your time, and I’m grateful you stuck with me, waiting 5 or 6 months to get a new episode. New episodes will arrive weekly and four days earlier for all my Patreon supporters. If you liked listening to this episode or know someone you think would enjoy listening to the ADHD Friendly Lifestyle, please share this with them! You can find the ADHD Friendly Lifestyle on your favourite podcast player. 

Every episode has a website page with show notes, transcripts, next steps, resources, and articles related to the topic. To get these delivered to your inbox, visit ADHDfriendlylifestyle.com. to sign up for our email list. The ADHDFL is written, hosted, and produced by Moira Maybin. Audio Editing by Ryan Stacy. A massive thank you to all my Patreon Supporters. If you’d like to support the podcast process, you can do so at adhdfriendlylifestyle.com/patreon. Thank you for joining us for today’s episode and take care.