20: The one about being stuck

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Description:

What can we do when finding ourselves stuck and not able to get going to do the things we need to? Moira’s been struggling with that too.  Moira & Marisol are going through the mud and coming out the other side with some clarity, a plan, excitement and we hope, some inspiration for you too. 
 
Welcome to the ADHD Friendly Lifestyle Podcast, for those of us with ADHD, who have had enough of trying harder and want to live a more comfortable, healthy, and happy life with less frustration and overwhelm. It’s time to get rid of guilt and shame–around having ADHD, our needs, and challenges through stories, knowledge, and humor to speak up about the experience of women, moms, and being late diagnosed with ADHD. 
 
We can build acceptance and growing our self-compassion over time, to help us take care of ourselves, ask for help when we need it, and be comfortable with who we are. Join me, Moira Maybin, as I share knowledge about ADHD to make your life easier, and what choices you have to make your tomorrow a more ADHD Friendly day.
 
Thank you for being part of the ADHD Friendly Lifestyle, hosted by Moira Maybin. Subscribe to the show on iTunes and leave a rating and review. Join the conversation today!
 
Have a question suggestion or want to reach out? Email Ask@adhdfriendlylifestyle.com

Show Notes:

Topics discussed in this episode
This will be coming soon.
  • This isn’t here yet becuase I need to go to bed. 
  • Thank you for your understanding. 

Transcript:

Moira Maybin 00:02

So, we don’t really have a script or a plan for this. We’re just we had a meeting for something else. And I was sharing how

this is not something I normally do. I don’t think it is dropped the ball. I just could not like fire under my ass. Yeah, get the episode done out in time. And I’m like I said, I’ve been working on it. And I know once I get it recorded, the rest of it is like, boom, boom, boom, I can get that out for hours tight. So but I just felt like, I just couldn’t there’s something there’s a block. I wasn’t able to push myself, it will require pushing myself in a way that I don’t feel capable of this week. Yeah. For a number of reasons.

Marisol Hall 00:45

You want to go into those reasons?

Moira Maybin 00:47

Welcome to the ADHD Friendly Lifestyle, part of the ADHD reWired Podcast Network. I’m your host, Moira Maybin, a woman, Mom, educator, and I have late diagnosed ADHD. This is the place to practice getting rid of guilt or shame and spending more time with our strengths and passions. There are things that I wish I had known about my ADHD sooner that are allowing me to make different decisions to make my life more ADHD friendly. And I want to share them with you.

 

Moira Maybin 01:25

So, this is Episode 20 of the podcast, most podcasts don’t get past 26 episodes. So that’s one of my many benchmarks. And I had an episode in mind, I have multiple episodes in mind and in process. And I started working on this one slowly. I didn’t want to do an episode this week. Because it’s caring week, it’s the week I have my period. I know my energy is really low. My husband is away this week. So I get less sleep, because I have to stay up later with my kids. And it’s the last week of group, which is a really fun, exciting time. But it’s also super busy. super busy. Yep. So in theory, I didn’t want to have to create an episode this week. But I didn’t get one prepared ahead of time. And I just it was one of those things where I just sort of thought it would happen. But then I keep doing other things instead. So I have three quarters of an episode written. And when we had our meeting, and we were chatting,I just kept teasing you and saying, Hey, why don’t you come and record something with me? Because I know we could talk about something. And then you have the great idea about how about we do this about basically feeling like do I have to like I don’t want to?

Marisol Hall 02:38

Well, yeah. I mean, that was a thing.

Moira Maybin 02:40

And you really could help. I don’t know, why am I not doing a podcast? Because it’s almost done.

Marisol Hall

And I was like, well, do you want to do podcast about not doing a podcast? And I think that’s great.

Moira Maybin

Well, because I’ve also wanted to do an episode a while about being real, because I hear from people they’re like, you know, I really appreciate what you’re saying, because I hear myself and you but then I’ve also heard people, you know, are you going to have more like everyday people who have ADHD, not professionals like you and Marisol and Roxie. And I know, I know, we were like, oh, we’re professionals. Yeah, you know, I don’t ever think of myself. I’m not a professional ADHDer. No, like, I did the school run this morning and then I came home and I knew we had our meeting in an hour. So I was like, Okay, I can spend an hour writing. I blew my driveway. It’s beautiful. We have a tree that is wrecking our driveway, and it drops needles all over it. So I like to at least once a week, go out and use the blower and clean the driveway, I get the same satisfaction out of that, like I do vacuuming? Oh, you know, it’s like the clear surface, have a clear surfacing?

 

Moira Maybin 03:44

So, I did that. And then my watch rang and I had had an intake meeting with a new doctor for my children that I had forgotten. So I came in the house on my phone and did that. And then I went back out and continue blowing the driveway. And then I think I had about 15 minutes before our meeting. And I decided to something, something not remotely related to writing the podcast. So, I logged on to my call, that was the people that we had. And I literally wrote two sentences and the first person arrived.

Marisol Hall 04:13

Well, it wasn’t me. No, I was 30 minutes late. Yes. So welcome. And say this is the thing. This is why I’m mentioning this because Welcome to professionals in ADHD are and this is this is what this is what it’s like, because I had a meeting with you at noon. And I didn’t even realize until you’ve called and my watch went off and I’m like, Oh my gosh, is the meeting. And I’m still talking to students. And yeah, I mean, it’s still 30 minutes after, and I didn’t want to waste your time.

Moira Maybin 04:52

Did you get that we didn’t feel terrible?

Marisol Hall 04:54

Oh, well, because the thing was a one It felt really good because you I knew that you guys would go in, completes it. Because, you know, on one hand, I knew you would understand. But I also on the other hand, I don’t want to take advantage of that. Even though, you know, you guys know what it’s like, but I also don’t want to use that as well, you know, it’s like so I’m just going to come in 30 minutes late.

Moira Maybin 05:16

And sometimes when we have our ADHD related like all ADHD, people talking about ADHD things, you know, we can tangent very easily. And our meetings can go on forever, which is something oftentimes, I have a hard time with. I did, we did use the time Well, the other person and I like we had things that we needed to talk about, because she was helping with this current season of coaching. And Marisol is coming back to help me out for this next season starting in October. And so that was that was okay. And we also I was aware of everybody’s timeframes, because that made that made it Okay, so yeah, yeah. So, thank you. Appreciate it. Oh, not a problem. And so yeah, so I kept saying, hey, you want to come when I record something, and then your great suggestion was, let’s explore. I know, with a podcast, once I get it recorded, once I get it ready to record, it can kind of clockwork from there, like the rest of it, the postproduction, I would happily have somebody else to do. But I really, I know what to do. So it’s very, and I know how long that part takes the creating the episodes are the thing that I can spend a lot of time because I like to think I like to read I like to write, I don’t necessarily give it the time that it needs. And I’ve been thinking that I want to group the stages. And every time I’ve tried to create an episode, it’s turned into two or three anyways. But I haven’t had the time to write two or three episodes at a time. Like that’s what I’d like to do is I’d like to chunk it. And I’d also one of the episodes I need to do is everything I’ve learned about living with a cycle, paying really close attention to my cycle my ADHD this month, this isn’t a great week to write and record because of where I am in my cycle. I’d like to get it set up in kind of like a four week rotation of what I do. But I guess with kids going back to school, like there’s a lot of transition right now. Yeah. And that’s made it harder. But I have a bit of that progressivity. When things are a bit nebulous. I haven’t quite figured out how to break this part down in a way that I follow through on it

Marisol Hall 07:38

You’ve definitely laid the groundwork to see the knowing what we export for you. And what we don’t, is huge stuff. And knowing that in the future, you want to kind of plan it out. So that you aren’t doing things here during certain weeks that you know, you know, this is not a good week for me to concentrate is a huge step. Getting there as is the more difficult part in the sense that you’ve got to kind of poking in there and say, Hey, oh, give me the body doubles. They’ll just say

Moira Maybin 08:11

That’s right. You said do you need a body double? To get your ass in the chair and record something?

Marisol Hall 08:17

Yeah, so Yeah, I was going to say the thing is, and it sounds hilarious, but things are always more fun with somebody else. When there’s only them or not, it’s usually more fun to have a party go on. So I figured, you know, you probably need some help. And so I’m here to help you friend. What is phaser? Anything else? I mean, obviously, if all we did was help you. Is there anything else that you think might have made recording easier?

Moira Maybin 08:48

I think the challenge with the writing was giving myself the chunks of uninterrupted time to actually work through it and think through it. And then I was also trying to do other things. Like I moved my office this week. I switched across the hall from my husband, because he’s away this week.

Marisol Hall 09:07

Did you really need to do that?

Moira Maybin 09:10

Well, and here’s what I said. It’s like, he doesn’t have ADHD, but he would be so discombobulated without having happening during the workweek while he’s supposed to be working. That it was easier because it took a couple days, right? There’s still a few things that need to be done. to not have to this was my thinking to not have to deal with that. Plus, I also get that thing in my head where like, I want to do it now. And that’s the part that I’m having a hard time teasing apart is how much is that procrastinating because I’m not clear on what I’m supposed to be doing. And how much is that just blowing the driveway was partly because I had just spent two hours in the car committee people. Right and so I wanted to be outside I wanted to move a little bit. I think I really need to time block chunks of time. Time for the research and the writing, like three or four hour blocks. And we’ll have hacking read HD, which is an amazing podcast, if you haven’t checked it out, did an amazing one this week on planning your day. But he’s also and I don’t know if it was that episode he, he talked about when he writes, he goes for like 15 minute walks, right, like in between writing blocks. And I also need to do stuff like that. I think too, because I found when I’ve done that, it helps me, if I step away, get some fresh air, it helps me come back and get a bit closer, but I just haven’t had, you know, it was summer. And I decided to do episodes every other week and didn’t even announce that. And so I would love to thank everyone who stuck with me through that. And now my intention is to go back to weekly episodes. But when I say attention, that’s what I’m going to be doing. So I know, I need to put more time and effort into this. So and I guess part of what I’ve been mulling over is do I do? Do I do like, Okay, I have to get four episodes, written next week, which isn’t realistic, because I also have to get an episode out next week. So maybe next week, I write two and get them through completely. Like this is the part where I’m like, do I do two episodes and try to get two episodes done next week. And then the following week, because I’ll have a week’s grace, like, that’s the part where I actually have to I think down on paper, you kind of figure out how to increment it up to doing to batching them.

Marisol Hall 11:47

So think keeping in mind that. And I guess this is kind of, for all you listeners out there. This is the behind the scene. But I know it happens to everybody is trying to figure out how, how best to do something. But also knowing that in a lot of cases, not every case. But a lot of cases life is actually more flexible than we think. And giving ourselves the room to maybe try something different that we hadn’t thought of before. Because we thought well, this needs to be a certain way. There’s no other way to do it, or oranges that we didn’t at first because I usually have this happens this way. And then it doesn’t even occur to me that I guess it could be done a different ways. Because remember, when you did when we talked about going to every other week, during the summer, you were like, Oh my God, that’s a great idea. It was like, Hey, dude, how are you want kind of thing. So you know, they might this might also be an opportunity to think about not only your work process, but also how often do you really want to put out good content, because that’s the other thing is you want to put out good content for your life. So you know, playing around with kind of that timeline, I think is okay. Right, listen, because I hope you’re saying this. Because I’m assuming that

 

Moira Maybin 13:07

there was a group chat that I was on, we were talking about brains to like to go hard and fast. I mean, like I have so many episodes that I want to do and so many app ideas and things I need to follow up on. And, and I mean, I’m trying to learn about everything about hormones and menopause and, but I have all these things like all these ideas of things that I want to do. But then the part that’s taking the time that I’m not giving the time is Yeah, the research, the reading the writing. And I want to be doing that. That’s the thing, right? It’s not like I’m trying to get myself to do this is that’s where my passion is. And so I don’t want to see, well, this was the this was the big thing that I realized. I think it was last week or the week before. We’ve talked about whitespace. Right having whitespace in our calendar. So we can move things around. So we’re not completely scheduled. Yeah. And I didn’t really have much white space on my calendar. And then I realized whitespace is actually contingency space. And I never got that. Yes. whitespace in my mind was contingency space, downtime, free time, and social time. Okay, so if I have very little of that in my calendar, and it’s all those four categories.

 

Moira Maybin 14:34

kind of screwed. Yeah, right. Yeah. Yeah. And so that was a really big aha. To have is that I need those four things in my daily life. Yes, but yet they have the smallest piece of the pie. Yeah. And I need to figure out a way to change that. And so I think that Part of what’s happened here is I realized that and rather than freaking out that there hasn’t been enough time to do all the things that I’ve wanted to do. I’ve accepted it. But this is the consequence for this this week. Other things stayed high enough on the priority list. Yeah. All right. Well, except for my sleep. I’ve been asleep that this week too. But group is coming to an end for two weeks. So that actually is an opportunity for me to try and focus on writing. And the thing is, we’re verbal processors to write. So yeah, just having the opportunity to talk this through with you out loud, may be the first step in trying to schedule out how I’m going to increase productivity like a factory worker ally. This week, we’ll have 65 units Next week, we’ll produce 93 units. Because really, that’s what you know, it’s like I want that certainty I want that answer is really just like, Okay, I’m going to get to be able to get a little bit more rest, because I won’t have to get up at 5am. I’m going to stay getting up within six or 630 in the morning, because yeah, I can’t readjust that quickly. And so I can use that time. Because even if I focused on writing episodes, yeah, then I could record two a week, or I could record one every week, because it’s the it’s the creation of that part. That is the art that is consuming the time and energy. The other part is, it takes a different type of thinking. Yeah, yeah,

Marisol Hall 16:45

Yes, not the creative part. I am a huge fan of batching, which I honestly did not understand. For those in the audience who maybe don’t know what it is either. I understood batching, when I was actually making cookies, you know, we had rolled up these little snowballs, and then you have to flatten them, and then cover them in sugar. And I realized, oh, if I roll out all of the little balls, and then I flatten them all, and then I throw them to sugar. So I realized, I think I said out loud, oh my gosh, this is batching. And so it really dawned on me like if I do my work in such a way that because I don’t have to transition, I can flick through your writing, you can just write and write all these ideas and rarely shows, you don’t have to transition from, okay, I’m writing. But now I need to set up my equipment. And I need to sit down and actually record this. And then I need to do editing. And just even saying that makes me really tired. So I’m gonna stop doing it. But if you This is why everything has a time to write. And then you take the time to record and all of your setup is set up, you don’t have to set it up and take it down and set it up. So I understand batching is doing those things that are similar kind of succession, so that you don’t have to go through each step each time because then you’re in the flow of being creative. And you can continue being creative, and you can continue doing the research that you really love to do, then you put out the product or the ideas that you’re really interested in. And once you get that done, then I think the recording will be so much because I know I want to say I know your brain. Does anyone know your brain? But I think your brain is so excited and interested in these ideas that it’s hard to slip. And you just want to keep going and going and going and Sylvia imagine the imagine the excitement of telling your brain. Go ahead.

 

Moira Maybin 18:47

Oh my god, yeah, I get to… That’s it, that excites me. The thing is, is like, I’m reading and I’m learning because I’m doing my own healing with my eating disorder, right. And the more I learn about intuitive eating, and all of that there’s so many parallels with the shame and the stigma and things around diet culture, with the shame and the stigma around ADHD. And then with menopause, so much of the shame and the stigma and not talking about it has got to do with, you know, misogyny and, and the patriarchy of the medical system, which also is ADHDers. The experience of being gaslit and, and just not being understood by the medical community is also a parallel and then add in gender diversity because I’m trying to learn more and more about that, because I want to be inclusive. So it’s like I’ll be listening to a podcast or I’ll be you know, reading a research paper or reading. Oh my god, Dr. Jen Gunter, just a plug for her. She’s got a new podcast called body stuff, which is excellent. And, and she also has the vagina Bible and the men of menopause manifesto and if they’re amazing books on women’s health, what I’m also wearing When I’m working with men who have ADHD, often who are also men late diagnosed, that they have all the same issues we do in how we feel about ourselves. And I hear my podcast being talked about being for women. But I also feel like it’s for anyone who’s late diagnosed. And, and so like, I keep thinking about, like, should I do an episode for men? Because I want them to know that I’m including them when I’m thinking about all of these things. So yeah, you’re right, and giving myself the time and the space to to honor that and do that is a really good idea. So it’s, it’s Thursday, because it’s the day the episode comes out. And I do my weekly planning on Friday. And I even wanted to do next week weekly planning today, doing it getting the episode going. Um, so I was already thinking about that. But I’m going to look at that I’m going to look at three or four hour chunks, and see what I can do. I know I need to the episode that is almost finished for today that I’ve written up. That will be next week’s episode. So I really want to thank you Marisol for taking the time. I know you’ve got a very busy day ahead of you, and behind you, and sideways and all around for helping me I feel so much better being able to talk this out. And I hope this episode is helpful for other people one just to see that we’re real people struggling with all the same things you are and to this is kind of how we try to problem solve. Yeah, and we really have to rely on each other when we get stuck. Fortunately, Marisol, and I have a community that we can do this with

 

Marisol Hall  21:44

and asking being willing to ask questions, and be willing to answer those questions really, honestly. Yeah. I think a lot of great for yourself.

 

Moira Maybin 22:01

Thanks Marisol. This week marks the end of my third season coaching as part of ADHD reWired coaching and accountability groups. It’s been an honor and a privilege to work with a group of people at 6am Pacific three mornings a week to build skills, planning and organizing their day, but more importantly, to prioritize themselves in their dreams. They showed up, were open, vulnerable, and created a community, a community who were ready to let go of the guilt and shame around ADHD and find more joy in life. This isn’t easy or straightforward and every single one of the 12 people in my group and the others in coach Roxie Martin and founder Eric Tivers’ groups have had a life changing experience. I kid you not. in upcoming episodes, you’ll get to hear from these participants firsthand. Until then, I wanted to let you know that there still are a few spots remaining for you to join the 26th season of the award-winning ADHD reWired coaching and accountability groups. starting in October with Roxie and Eric, go to ADHDfriendlylifestyle.com/coaching to find out how you can be part of these intensive online and video based coaching and accountability groups. If October doesn’t work for you, and you’re wanting to get more information about coaching accountability, or interest list for winter will be on that same website soon. Go to ADHDfriendlylifestyle.com/coaching to find out more.

 

How much easier is it to get things done when others are working alongside you, but aren’t distracting you? ADHD reWired Adult Study Hall provides that on demand 24 seven as a virtual co working space, or for any kind of task of having more structure accountability for your work, working out, cleaning, job seeking, and writing is what you need. We also have ASH+ a more interactive environment with facilitators. You can check this out at ADHDfriendlylifestyle.com/friendlyash. I’ve used adult study hall on a regular basis and now plan to up my game to be there nearly every day. So you may see me there working on just about anything I need to get done. Even the next episode. That link again is ADHDfriendlylifestyle.com/friendlyash.

 

I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s show and would love to hear your thoughts. To get in touch. You can write me an email at ask@ADHDfriendlylifestyle.com. connect with me on my website, Instagram and Facebook at ADHD Friendly Lifestyle or twitter @ADHDFL. Every episode has a website page with show notes transcripts next steps, resources and articles related to the topic. To get these visit ADHDfriendlylifestyle.com. If you’d like to support the podcast, the best way is to subscribe on the podcast player of your choice and by taking the time to rate and review it there.

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THANKS FOR LISTENING!

Moira Maybin, M.Ed. (EdPsy.)

Moira Maybin, M.Ed. (EdPsy.)

I help people with ADHD who are tired of trying harder and are ready to give up the struggle. This is the place for the late-diagnosed, women, moms, professionals, those who want to understand ADHD, be heard, and know they are not alone. An ADHD Friendly Lifestyle builds our ability to take care of ourselves and use our unique strengths and talents to create a life that works for us.

Moira Maybin, M.Ed. (EdPsy.)
Moira Maybin, M.Ed. (EdPsy.)

I help people with ADHD who are tired of trying harder and are ready to give up the struggle. This is the place for the late-diagnosed, women, moms, professionals, those who want to understand ADHD, be heard, and know they are not alone. An ADHD Friendly Lifestyle builds our ability to take care of ourselves and use our unique strengths and talents to create a life that works for us.

I help people with ADHD who are tired of trying harder and are ready to give up the struggle. This is the place for the late-diagnosed, women, moms, professionals, those who want to understand ADHD, be heard, and know they are not alone. An ADHD Friendly Lifestyle builds our ability to take care of ourselves and use our unique strengths and talents to create a life that works for us.

Moira maybin, M.Ed. (EdPsy.)